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Path VS Rut

05 May 2011 | By Wayne

What do you do when the path you’re on feels like a deep rut that is only getting deeper? Since returning early from my failed “North American” trip that resulted in nothing more than a tour of the Southwest and a short escape from what I’m beginning to think is my destined misery. All the positivity aside I can’t seem to find a stride anywhere but on the road. Upon returning back to Vancouver I optimistically sucked up the weight of the stacked odds and figured I’d work towards becoming a commercially viable photographer.

Since returning and after a short (yet too long) stint at my grandparents place I’m now renting a room from a friend and commuting 3.5 hours a day to a regular day job. One that I do appreciate having but on the flip side it manages to suck almost all my time and energy from my day. Add to that the perpetual catching up of my dismal finances while trying to live in/near one of the most expensive cities in North America has proven to be a return to the familiar repeated motion of my skull slamming against brick and mortar.

When I do pick up my camera I feel a sick sense of uselessness, uninspired melon collie. There is no adventure, there is no exploration. I’ve tried on numerous weekends to get out and “find something” interesting to shoot and so far I’ve failed miserably. I’ve been reading up on new techniques and how to utilize off camera speedlights etc, getting quite excited about trying some of the processes at times. That in mind I’ve started to look at commercial spaces to perhaps lease as shooting space. One I went and looked at excited me with it’s potential until I was abruptly kicked in the face back into the reality of my finances and lack of options. Every scenario I come up with to move forward seems like a big catch 22. Requiring money I don’t have and that would take years to save at this current day job. I’ve also taken a step back and realized that to get clients I should improve my portfolio. I’ve since posted ads and contacted friends about shooting concepts that I have in my head, free photos for them to use in exchange for their time. People just flake out and drop the ball. Seems I can’t even give myself away.

Over the past few years I’ve taken all the chances I can think of, fearing nothing and ignoring thoughts of the worst case scenario. I’ve gotten myself into more debt, given up my home and sold off my belongs all to travel and shoot on the most miniscule of budgets. I’ve tried for sponsorship, begged, borrowed and worn out a few welcomes all to try and keep traveling and more importantly, shooting. Sure, a few people took notice and followed along. Commenting on my posts and photos but having the guts to do something and taking nice photos that people “like” doesn’t pay the bills to keep one traveling.

So with that, here I sit, lunchtime at the new job, whining into a blog that has most likely lost any followers it once had because well, I’m not traveling am I? Instead, I’m trading life for a paycheck, a few perks and a nice new deep rut that I fail to envision a way out at this point which is what’s pissing me off the most. I’m quite capable of waiting and working hard towards something that will eventually produce the changes that I need. Although right now, I don’t even know what those changes are to be. I’ve simply flat-lined, and the defibrillator has a dead battery.

Category: Stationary Musings One Comment

Days 56, 57, 58 – My Last Post from the Road for Awhile

15 Nov 2010 | By Wayne

I left Las Vegas on Friday and after spending some time with two very large spiders on the 164 to the Techatticup Mine in Eldorado Canyon, Nevada I ventured onward to the coast. I made it to the small town of Cambria California by about 11 pm and hunkered down in the truck and got some sleep.

Saturday along the Pacific coast was amazing despite the weekend traffic. Got soaked under the pier at William Hearst State Park while taking shots. After a change of clothes and a few more miles I was able to get some good shots of the Elephant seals along the water.

I made my way along and got a few more shots finishing off with a nice sunset where I also got soaked up to may thighs again. This time I had my runners on. Oh well, it was worth it.

Sunday wasn’t as much fun or inspiring. Things just weren’t working in my favor. The traffic was ridiculous and despite my endless attempts at not caring about the extremely stupid driving of so many Californians it was hard to remain focused and inspired. As I drove and drove I literally went straight through San Francisco and northward. I did stop a few times but the more time I spent amongst the “tourists in their own state” the more I wanted out. I came upon the turnoff to Point Reyes and wanted to catch the sunset there. Well after being stuck behind two California drivers who apparently have no clue how to navigate a turn in the road at more than 10 miles an hour I arrived just in time to see the sun go down from the parking lot. Not that it matters, the powers that be here in California had the gate to the steps locked 30 mins before I got there. You can’t even get to the lighthouse after 4:30 and can barely see the thing from the “view point”. A waste of gas, time, effort and frustration, all for nothing. The fitting ending to a stressful day. In light of that I drove North some more. After stopping to enjoy some quiet time, at a vista view overlooking the ocean and the moon. My heart wanted to stay along the coast but my fried mind thought it best to get to the interstate and get home as gas money was going fast while along the switchbacks and traffic of the coast. As I stood in the darkness I flipped the coin to see which way I should head as I couldn’t decide. It told me to head home.

So just South of Fort Bragg I took a road that the map showed as one that will meet up with the 101 taking me to Cloverdale where I could catch another Easterly secondary road to the I-5. Well this first road through the woods was classified as an emergency evacuation route. Seventy percent of it was one lane, no lines, barely any shoulder trees, cliffs and ditches along the sides. Corners and switchbacks that had to be navigated at 20-15 MPH. After the driving I witnessed over the past two days this made me laugh.

So after a lot of curves, switchbacks and corners I finally arrived on the I-5. It’s Monday afternoon and I’m taking a break in a Starbucks in Ashland Oregon. With the VERY recent “loan” from a friend via Paypal I’m thinking that I’ll be back in Chilliwack by this time tomorrow.

I’m still going to edit and compile one if not two more video episodes for this trip. Future postings will happen as I figure out what’s next in my own future. I have learned a many things this time out. One, I got this far with all the help from my friends. Two, I won’t be attempting this again until I have a fully funded self sufficient budget but it’s definitely not out of the question. How ever my future travels should evolve, I’ll be writing about them here.

Until next time, thanks to all who have followed me as I attempted this.
Soon,
Wayne

Category: North American Adventure, The Road Tags: Califonia, coast, drivers, homeward, I-5, interstate, last, over, Pacific Ocean, water Leave a Comment

Day 55 – Saying Goodbye to Las Vegas

12 Nov 2010 | By Wayne

My friend Pete has been a gracious host here in Las Vegas. He’s let me hang out at his place and work on my proposal for the government photography job that I’m trying to get. I’m almost done it, a few fine tunings and then I have to figure out what photos to include. That will be a difficult process.

Since this whole trip has changed and my life may be starting a new (but exciting) chapter I decided with a little nudging by a friend that I’m going to wander my way home along the ocean. Tomorrow I will be on my way once again, planning to leave Las Vegas by around 11am. A final few days along the California and Oregon coast will do me some good. My frame of mind has been way better, so much so that I really want this new photography opportunity as it sounds like a good fit for me. Some money coming in for a change and some extra time to evolve as a photographer in between the other work. We’ll see, my fingers are crossed.

So there’s a short update, not much has happened here at Pete’s other than hanging out with him and the guys in his band whom I also know form my days working here. It’s been a good break but I must get going. Will update a few more times from the coastal trip home.

Scars at Sundown

Category: North American Adventure, Stillness, The Road Tags: coast, Friends, homeward, idle, Las Vegas, Photography, travel Leave a Comment

Day 50 – The Beginning of the End.

06 Nov 2010 | By Wayne

This morning was spent wandering around Las Vegas with Nancy before it was time to get her to the airport for her flight back to Vancouver. I took her to Mandalay Bay to see Peter Lik’s gallery which is somewhat where I was inspired to pursue my photography more vigorously.

Back in late 2006 I had stumbled across Peter’s gallery and was amazed at the sheer size and emotion of his awesome work. I’ve visited a couple times but fear I may not ever go back as today’s experience was quite disappointing on a few levels. Firstly, we weren’t in the gallery more than 40 seconds when one of the salesman was all over us. Asking which one we liked, which one we’d like to put in our houses. Fuck, perhaps if we actually had a chance to look at them we’d be able to answer him. If he only knew who he was talking to. I don’t even have a home. Nancy was blown away by Peter’s work as I figured she would be and was trying to look at and enjoy the pieces but this asshole salesman wouldn’t leave her alone. He kept coming back leaning on us for some indication that we wanted to “buy”. Apparently he’s on commission. I was very unimpressed and disappointed.

Secondly, as we were leaving I was washed with a negative angry feeling, one based from envy I guess. Here is this guy, he has numerous galleries, selling his work for thousands of dollars (a large piece on the back wall was priced at $125,000 because it’s the second last one of the series available), he’s traveling the world which includes road trips like the one I’m attempting, shooting what he finds and sees, doing exactly what I dream of doing. Meanwhile, I can’t seem to sell a print for $100 lately.

As I attempted to stop feeling sorry for myself I took Nancy to the airport and said goodbye. I was filled with mixed emotions because by the looks of things I may be seeing her and most of my friends again soon as this whole road trip is basically over.

I’m not only out of money but my already flailing finances have now sunk to a subterranean level. I’m not going to get into details but basically once I figure out how I’m going to get home I’ll be straight-lining myself back to British Columbia where I’ll wait for word on my government proposal. If I don’t get that I’ll be doing what I need to get myself to the Alberta oil sands where I can at least work.

Aside from a few issues with my pride I’m trying to remain positive that this is what is supposed to happen. Maybe I wasn’t supposed
do this yet. Maybe I took on too much too early. Whatever the reason I’ve learned things about myself, about what it takes to do this. Perhaps one day I’ll try again when I have a solid budget to fund the whole thing myself and not worry about the “money” part since that has been the only downside to living this way. I’d do it again in an instant.

Until then, I’ll update this blog along my way home if there’s anything interesting to report. After that it all depends on what I end up doing and where I physically end up. Everything is up in the air right now, open for whatever the universe has in store for me.

Thanks to all who followed and the few friends that helped out along the way. I really couldn’t have gotten even this far without you.
Cheers,
W

Category: North American Adventure, The Road Tags: art, finances, gallery, home, Las Vegas, Mandalay Bay, money, Nevada, over, Peter lik, Photography, photos, stuck, The End 4 Comments

Day 49 – Shooting with My Friend

05 Nov 2010 | By Wayne

The travel the last couple of days would not have been possible without my friend Nancy. She came to Vegas to clear her head, talk, and hang out and has been a wonderful friend to me. She’s covered all the expenses of the last two days which allowed both of us to get some awesome shots of the things we’ve seen and some places I was able to show her. She’s a great road trip partner.

We started off in Barstow and headed Southwest. As we traveled along Route 66 we came upon the Bottle Tree Ranch which is an amazing and inspiring location. Elmer, the artist and creative mind behind the unique sculptures is a pleasant and down to earth person. A true artist. He’s been collecting “junk” since he found a hand made rake at Edwards Air Force Base while on a trip with has father when he was young. Elmer, now in his 60′s now incorporates the stuff he finds into the yard of welded trees of iron with colored glass bottles of all shapes and sizes adorning them. His decision to leave his 9-5 job at the nearby Cement factory in Oro Grande a few years back is a blessing for anyone that has the chance to wander through his glimmering garden of wonder. Elmer doesn’t charge to visit his unique corner of the California desert. He gets about 8-10 slack jawed visitors a day as he spends his days working on his creations, with a mid day nap of course. Stop in and say hello and enjoy the colored dreamlike spot that is Elmer’s Bottle Tree Ranch. You’ll be happy you did.

Elmer’s work can be found on Route 66 just a few miles west of Barstow on the right hand side of the road, near Oro Grande, CA.

After spending a good chunk of time at Elmer’s we headed into Victorville and found the remains of the homes the use to be used to house those at George Air Force Base. The subdivision like area is riddled with trashed homes and overgrown streets and culdesacs. The whole area has been and possibly still is used for war games and tactical training. What could have potentially been low income housing has been destroyed by war games.

After Victorville we turned around and ventured back to Barstow where we picked up Route 66 again, this time heading East. We got some shots of the old 66 markings painted on the highway. Eventually as the sun set behind us we hopped onto Interstate 40 and made our way to the 95 which lead us back into Nevada and Las Vegas for Nancy’s last night.